Posted in 2017, Melancholy

#006

I reminisce a lot. I go over where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and how I’ve felt. I try to make sense of my past to try and understand why I’m here. Why I’m like this. Am I better than before? Or worse? Have I made progress?

Sometimes, I do it just to make sure I’m real. Silly notion I suppose. Things can get so convoluted, some days I feel like smoke. I can’t seem to grasp who I am. The past and future don’t even register as blips on the map.

Even that same day will feel unknown. Imagine floating in space, but with out the stars and light. Directionless, aimless, you can’t tell if you’re even moving or not.

Recently reminiscing, I found a poem or free verse I had written my first year at college, about having a panic attack at Chick-fil-A.

Community place
friends, family, co-workers
Every table has that
I sit alone, company of a book
And a voiceless phone
Rabble of voices over shadow me
Hordes of patrons break my thoughts
I make no sound
Barely daring to breath
Hands that make no mess
Fearful of a mistake
Tummy rumbles
Fingers tremble
I wait
For courage
Then eyes fill the room
I can’t

I’m definitely not saying, “Hey read this, I think its good.” I  think its rather sub par.

I think its important, as far as case studies go, to have an understanding of the history of the individual.

 

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Author:

I'm a small town kid wanting to understand the world.

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